Kyara's Big Date

OK, I know I have a LOT to catch up on, but I thought I would share with you Kyara's first date at BYU! I'm a little fuzzy about some of the details, so if I get anything wrong, Kyara will have to correct me in the comments.

Kyara met a boy and talked with him a bit on Facebook. He wanted to take her out, so she decided to give him a chance. The first thing he asked is if she looked as good in person as she does in her Facebook picture (it's this one -- isn't she gorgeous?). She told him, no, she only gets done up like that for special occasions. He asked if she would get dolled up like that for her date, and she said, no, curling her hair like that is too time consuming.

They decided on a lunch date. He wanted her to come over to his house while they decided where to go and what to do, but she declined. So, they decided they would go to the mall.

When he arrived and got out of the truck, Kyara noticed that he was a little on the short side. He was wearing a pink polo shirt (apparently he didn't pull it off as well as Romers does!). Her first impression was that he reminded her of an arrogant high school acquaintance that she dislikes.

After being at the mall for awhile, he asked Kyara if she was hungry and if she would like to get something to eat. She said yes. He then told her that he didn't have any money. So, Kyara bought her own meal and ate it while he sat there and watched. When she was full, there was still some of her meal left over. He said, "So you're just going to let that go to waste then?" And she said, "Yes, I guess I am." He then told her to go get him a fork. She responded, "What, am I your biatch?" Although, I think she left out the "a". He said something (I don't remember what) and Kyara rolled her eyes in his face.

Kyara didn't take the opportunity to end the date there. He suggested they walk around for awhile. They did. At the end of the date, he asked if they could do this sometime again! She told him no.

Can I just say that I am so proud of how I raised my daughter right now? There is one more strong Proffitt woman out in the world right now. I am feeling really reassured that Kyara will be able to hold her own in the dating world at BYU. You go, girl!

Because You Wouldn't Click the Link ...

All right, this is for my SISTERS, because I know my sisters are soooo going to love this! I posted the link below, but you were too scared of the bad words, so I am editing them out. Here is the PG version:

An Open Letter to James Thatcher, Brand Manager, Proctor and Gamble

Dear Mr. Thatcher,

I have been a loyal user of your Always maxi pads for over 20 years, and I appreciate many of their features. Why, without the LeakGuard Core™ or Dri-Weave™ absorbency, I'd probably never go horseback riding or salsa dancing, and I'd certainly steer clear of running up and down the beach in tight, white shorts. But my favorite feature has to be your revolutionary Flexi-Wings. Kudos on being the only company smart enough to realize how crucial it is that maxi pads be aerodynamic. I can't tell you how safe and secure I feel each month knowing there's a little F-16 in my pants.

Have you ever had a menstrual period, Mr. Thatcher? Ever suffered from "the curse"? I'm guessing you haven't. Well, my "time of the month" is starting right now. As I type, I can already feel hormonal forces violently surging through my body. Just a few minutes from now, my body will adjust and I'll be transformed into what my husband likes to call "an inbred hillbilly with knife skills." Isn't the human body amazing?

As brand manager in the feminine-hygiene division, you've no doubt seen quite a bit of research on what exactly happens during your customers' monthly visits from Aunt Flo. Therefore, you must know about the bloating, puffiness, and cramping we endure, and about our intense mood swings, crying jags, and out-of-control behavior. You surely realize it's a tough time for most women. In fact, only last week, my friend Jennifer fought the violent urge to shove her boyfriend's testicles into a George Foreman Grill just because he told her he thought Grey's Anatomy was written by drunken chimps. Crazy! The point is, sir, you of all people must realize that America is just crawling with homicidal maniacs in capri pants. Which brings me to the reason for my letter.

Last month, while in the throes of cramping so painful I wanted to reach inside my body and yank out my uterus, I opened an Always maxi pad, and there, printed on the adhesive backing, were these words: "Have a Happy Period."

Are you f*ing kidding me?

What I mean is, does any part of your tiny middle-manager brain really think happiness—actual smiling, laughing happiness—is possible during a menstrual period? Did anything mentioned above sound the least bit pleasurable? Well, did it, James? FYI, unless you're some kind of sick S&M freak girl, there will never be anything "happy" about a day in which you have to jack yourself up on Motrin and Kahlúa and lock yourself in your house just so you don't march down to the local Walgreens armed with a hunting rifle and a sketchy plan to end your life in a blaze of glory. For the love of God, pull your head out, man. If you just have to slap a moronic message on a maxi pad, wouldn't it make more sense to say something that's actually pertinent, like "Put Down the Hammer" or "Vehicular Manslaughter Is Wrong"? Or are you just picking on us?

Sir, please inform your accounting department that, effective immediately, there will be an $8 drop in monthly profits, for I have chosen to take my maxi-pad business elsewhere. And though I will certainly miss your Flexi-Wings, I will not for one minute miss your brand of condescending bull*t. And that's a promise I will keep. Always.

Best,

Wendi Aarons
Austin, TX

Sense of Humor?

I lost one more pound today ...

in my BOOBS!

Really, God? Is it that funny?

Gavin's Turn

Gavin tells me, "Dad told me this story about when he was a teenager, like 32 or maybe 24, and he was wrestling, and there was this guy who was 185 pounds, and he SNAPPED his arm. It was just dangling in the skin."

Gavin informed me today that there was a freckle on his "privates." "Oh," I said. "How did the sun get down there?"

"The sun causes freckles?" he asked. "Yep," I answered. Sheepishly, he said, "I have no idea!"

Gabe-isms

Gabe and Gavin are responsible for emptying the dishwasher and putting dishes away each day. Gavin noticed two clean bowls that were sitting on the counter from the day before. He accused Gabriel of not putting them away when he was supposed to. Gabe responded, "There's no proof!"

Gabe and Gavin had just come home from spending the night at their friends' house. They had spent quite a bit of time playing with the baby. Gavin said, "Mom, I wish you would have another baby!" Gabe said, "Oh, Gavin, that's mean! That would hurt Mom!"

Gabe made dinner tonight -- chicken noodle soup from the can. He told me, "Do ya know why I'm so good at making chicken noodle soup? It's because I stir so fast."

Sorry. I Just Have to Share.

OK, this just may be the funniest blog post I've ever seen! I found it as a link on Cake Wrecks. Fair warning -- it uses the "F" word once, and another less offensive obscenity later.

Wendi Aarons: An Open Letter to James Thatcher, Brand Manager, Proctor and Gamble

5 Ingredient Recipes

My friend, Shandee, asked for some easy 5 ingredient recipes. Well, I realized that most of my recipes were more complicated than that, so I went looking for some! I have tons posted on my recipe blog, The Flagging Chef . Check them out! And yes, I added "Moving Day Crock Pot Sauerkraut Butt" to the blog just because the word "butt" is so funny.

Do you have any great 5 ingredient recipes? I'd love to hear from you.

My Great Idea

As Kyara will attest, I am the queen of "programs." With six kids, motivation can be a problem, so I am always coming up with ways to entice them to do what I want. :) This summer, a brilliant idea came to me, so I thought I'd share it with everyone.

Every morning during the summer, I have the kids do a whole-house tidy before they can do anything fun. They are actually ok with this, because it means they have the rest of the entire day free without any work to do. However, my children have been known to bicker (gasp!) and finger-point whenever they have to work together.

In a sudden stroke of genius (inspiration? revelation?), I came up with our current system. Each day, I appoint one child to be the "manager." In order to be a good manager, they have to lead by example. They also get to give the other children assignments. However, again, to be a good manager, they need to assign tasks that are keeping with the other children's abilities and disposition. For example, if Kyara hates cleaning toilets, but Gavin doesn't mind, he should get the job. Also, Gavin shouldn't get the hardest jobs in the kitchen.

At the end of the tidy, the other children then rate the manager on how well he/she did on a scale from one to five. The manager then gets that many treats from my treat bowl as a "bonus." The manager then draws three jobs from the job jar, and whoever did those jobs during the tidy gets a little treat. (The job jar is just a jar with a bunch of small chores written on pieces of papers. It is also used as punishment throughout the day. :) )

It has worked wonders for our family this summer! I think we'll keep managers any time the kids have to work together.

Our Anniversary Excursion

(Yes, I am WAY behind!)

Rom and I enjoyed a fantastic three-night weekend in downtown San Diego for our 20th anniversary. It was so much fun! When we arrived at the hotel, they didn't have any more rooms available in our price range, so they had to upgrade us! That let us have the free breakfast every morning, and it was really very delicious.

We took it super easy -- no plans, no schedules, no obligations, no responsibilities. We'd go walking along the harbor, looking at boats and the art down there. We saw a cute little seal playing with his food. He had to dive under a number of times because the sea gulls were trying to steal it. We found a cute little art shop. We ate French pastries every day :). We ate at nice restaurants every night. We stopped at a bookstore our first day, so I had something to read in the afternoons.

You know? I really like my husband! Overall, it was just the best getaway, and I think we'll have to do it again next year!

Make a Smilebox slideshow

If At First You Don't Succeed ...

All right, I'm back at it. Rom and I are doing a detox this week. The, I'm going to go back to South Beach for two reasons: I have to eliminate a suspected Candida (yeast) overgrowth and stabilize my blood sugar (both are to help CFS). And, last time I tried to get healthy again, I actually gained 8 pounds! (Taking a deep bow.) Yeah, not too happy with my body image right now. I am taking two weight loss supplements from Enlyten -- one is an appetite suppressant that works by stabilizing your blood sugar (just what I need!) and the other is called a calorie burner, but it looks like it boosts your metabolism and increases your energy (again, just what I need!).

I'm giving away free samples of the new supplements, if anyone is interested. You can check them out here: Enlyten

If it's something you too would like to try, let me know and I'll get you some.

Also, since I don't tolerate exercise very well, I have bought and am using Fit Flops! They are from Victoria's Secret, and they are flip flops that tone your stomach, legs, and butt while you work. Stealth fitness, the only way to go!

Wish me luck!