Daughters of God

What a great Relief Society lesson I had on Sunday! What a great and welcome topic! To begin with, I challenged all the moms, especially those with young children, to have their HUSBANDS teach this talk for Family Home Evening: Daughters of God, Elder M. Russel Ballard, May 2008 Ensign.

I recently read about a survey that said that childless couples were 6% more happy and satisfied with their lives than couples with children. Hmmm. I imagine the pollster first calling the childless wife at home about 6 pm. She left work about an hour ago. She is getting ready to spontaneously go out to dinner with her husband to celebrate the raise she just got at work. Apparently, the project she just finished was really appreciated by her boss. The house, of course, is neat and tidy, because there was no one to mess it up while she was gone -- and her husband already picked his clothes up off the floor this morning. She responds positively to the pollster.

The next pollster again calls at 6 pm, and this time he gets this: Just Leave Me to My Hormonal Rage!

Being a mom is hard! Elder Ballard says, "We need to remember that the full commitment of motherhood and of putting children first can be difficult. Through my own four-generation experience in our family, and through discussions with mothers of young children throughout the Church, I know something of a mother’s emotions that accompany her commitment to be at home with young children. There are moments of great joy and incredible fulfillment, but there are also moments of a sense of inadequacy, monotony, and frustration. Mothers may feel they receive little or no appreciation for the choice they have made. Sometimes even husbands seem to have no idea of the demands upon their wives."

He then goes on to offer several things that we can do, as young mothers, to reduce the pressure and enjoy our families more. "First, recognize that the joy of motherhood comes in moments. There will be hard times and frustrating times. But amid the challenges, there are shining moments of joy and satisfaction."

Take a moment to think about some of those shining moments. I remember about two years ago, Rom took Gavin (who was about 4) with him to buy me See's candies for Mother's Day. He told Gavin it was a surprise. Later, when I was in the car with them, Gavin started to say, "We bought you some choc --" Rom cut him off, "Whoa, buddy, that's a surprise!" Gavine then said, "Yeah, it's a surprise ... but it's not chocolate!" Nice save, Gavin!

If you're having a hard time calling to mind those joyful moments, then it is time you start looking harder for them. This is especially important for those of your children who may be going through one of those "difficult" stages. Find the joy in each child.

"Second, don’t overschedule yourselves or your children. Families need unstructured time when relationships can deepen and real parenting can take place. Take time to listen, to laugh, and to play together." Overscheduling also makes it difficult to find the moments of joy.

"Third, even as you try to cut out the extra commitments, sisters, find some time for yourself to cultivate your gifts and interests. Pick one or two things that you would like to learn or do that will enrich your life, and make time for them. Water cannot be drawn from an empty well, and if you are not setting aside a little time for what replenishes you, you will have less and less to give to others, even to your children. Avoid any kind of substance abuse, mistakenly thinking that it will help you accomplish more. And don’t allow yourself to be caught up in the time-wasting, mind-numbing things like television soap operas or surfing the Internet. Turn to the Lord in faith, and you will know what to do and how to do it."

We had the best discussion about this! I appreciate the warnings. If you are tempted towards substance abuse, then you are trying to be superwoman, and that is impossible! It's time to lower your expectations and start saying no! If you spend a lot of time on the Internet (like I often do), that could be a signal that you are not getting the "me time" and enriching activities that you crave. As you add meaningful activities to your life, you will naturally find yourself less immersed on the computer.

Some sisters mentioned the guilt they feel when they take time for themselves. Here is a prophet of God telling you that not only is it OK to take care of yourself, but it is essential! I love my book club. I love indulging in my passion, reading. I love discovering new and interesting books that I normally would never read, because someone else recommended it. I love the mentally stimulating discussions we have afterwards. I especially love the friendship, love, and admiration I feel towards these women. Again, as Elder Ballard says, "Turn to the Lord in faith, and you will know what to do and how to do it." No guilt allowed!

"Fourth, pray, study, and teach the gospel. Pray deeply about your children and about your role as a mother. Parents can offer a unique and wonderful kind of prayer because they are praying to the Eternal Parent of us all. There is great power in a prayer that essentially says, 'We are steward-parents over Thy children, Father; please help us to raise them as Thou wouldst want them raised.'"

I would add a fifth suggestion. Don't compare yourself to others! Elder Ballard says, "There is no one perfect way to be a good mother. Each situation is unique. Each mother has different challenges, different skills and abilities, and certainly different children. The choice is different and unique for each mother and each family."

There are sacred moments you have when you are alone, holding your newborn in your arms. I remember one moment when Romney was born. I was alone, holding this little one fresh from the arms of his Father in Heaven. The impression came to me from the Spirit, very distinctly, that Romney needed exactly me to help him back to his Father. No one else could do it; no one else would love him quite the way I do; I was here especially for him.

I believe that children are given to us, not in spite of our weaknesses and faults, but because of them. They need us, complete with strengths, talents, weaknesses, and faults, to help them get back home to Heavenly Father.

I would like to see another survey done. I would like to have the pollsters follow up with those couples twenty years from now. I think they would get a much different answer.